Monday, 25 July 2016

tears for T.

(I wasn't sure about writing this and it has been a draft for a while but this is my life. My grief is hurting, sharing helps.)


I had a friend.

He lived far away. I hadn't seen him for such a long time but we had the best chats that made me howl with laughter. He had been my friend for the past 20 + years.

Sometimes people show up just when you need them and he was always like that, just a little 'hello miss Lucy, how are you?' message that sparked a conversation. Backwards and forwards, catching up, laughing, encouraging each other, finding truth and being ourselves. Staying up way too late, sharing our dreams and sorting our lives out.

We had a couple of the best summers. Silly, impulsive and sweet. The most fun. He had an infectious spontaneity, a kind heart and the most honest soul.

He was a great friend. He told me what he thought. When someone wasn't good for me. When I wasn't doing things that made me happy. Not always what I wanted to hear but always what I needed to. He was right but he didn't know how right, how exactly he 'got' me. And he didn't say it to be right, he said it because he cared.

I have lost a friend that cared about me.

He was awesome and I loved him. He didn't realise how amazing he was, though I told him.

I am so sad and so angry. Because 34 is too young, because I won't see him again and I want to talk to him. So much. I'm angry I didn't just buy him a ticket to come to the UK. I always told him he should come and live here. And I'm just so so sad.

In the last message he sent me, one of the things he said was "life is all about pluses and minuses".

This is a big f**king minus.

The plus is that I knew him. That he was my friend. That we had the best time together and the best talks. I am grateful for my friend.

I love you T. and may you rest in peace.


29 comments:

  1. So sorry for your loss. Such a touching testimony. Thank you for sharing. Sending hugs to you.
    Sandy A

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  2. Sorry for the loss of your great friend.

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  3. So sorry for your loss! Very tough losing such a good friend!

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  4. Definitely many positive things in knowing him - but you can hold onto those Lucy and maybe be like him for someone you hold dear! Sad for you. Big hug to you.

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  5. So very sorry for your loss- may you find comfort in your memories of him.

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  6. Lucy, I'm so sorry for your loss. How wonderful to have such a person in your life, if even for too short a time. May you always remember him. Perhaps you'll have times when you ask yourself, "What would T say?" and know just what you need to do.

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  7. Oh Lucy. I am so so sorry xx

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  8. Oh Lucy, there are no words, are there? I am so sorry for you loss. You will be in my prayers tonight. May T visit you in your dreams and comfort you in some way.....

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  9. Lucy so so sorry it is so hard xxxx

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  10. So sorry for your loss....except that he isnt really lost, just far away and out of contact. He will always be with you, in your memories and in your heart and if you listen carefully you will still be able to hear him telling you what he thinks.
    I know...I have been there...xxx

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  11. You're right, that's too young and it sucks big time. I hope it's helped you to share xx

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  12. so sorry for your lost. Always remember that you loved him and he you and the best thing was that you always told him how much you thought of him. He will always be in your heart.
    Mary mburnette912@bellsouthnet

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  13. Good girl for posting..I have found it always helps to share....xxxooo hugs from Charlotte, North Carolina...Sad and sorry about endings..

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  14. What better way to honor him than to let us all know how much he was loved. It is so hard to lose those we love, no matter their age. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

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  15. There are too many minuses lately ... Sorry for your loss Lucy xx

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  16. So sorry for your loss! Thinking about you!

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  17. Oh dear. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you love xx

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  18. I am so sorry -it is too young. I am glad that you had those times you did, even if there should have been more of them. Sending hugs - be gentle with yourself as you grieve.

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  19. Yep, a big f**cking minus indeed. Losing someone you were so obviously close to puts a chip in your heart and I'm sorry for your loss. In my experience, time doesn't heal the pain but it does get easier to bear. Hugs from Switzerland. xx

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  20. I am so so sorry for your loss, Lucy.

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  21. I'm so very sorry that you lost your dear friend, Lucy. May his soul rest in peace.

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  22. :( I'm so sorry Lucy.. Sending love your way.

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  23. I'm so sorry Lucy - life is sometimes just a bit shit isn't it? Your words paint such a lovely picture of your friendship x

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  24. You have my greatest sympathy for your loss! You are love by many but noone can replace another.

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