Saturday, 27 May 2017

Manchester ❤🐝

preface - It's not an easy thing for me to write, we are so thankful that our family is safe and I realise how fortunate I am. I know there are atrocities all around the world, I realise people live with worse daily. This is just my experience, this is what I am going through and this is my space to write about my life, which usually consists of sewing but right now I need to release. 

I am writing this post with such a heavy heart. On Monday 22nd May there was a horrendous terrorist attack in my home city of Manchester. The details have been all over the news, there's no need for me to reiterate, in fact it is time for me to stop obsessively reading it.

When I found out what had happened I woke my husband up, I cried and we witnessed the aftermath and reaction together. We were heartbroken.

photo credit: Dick Vincent

My thoughts have been with the families that lost their loved ones, the many people still in critical care and all of those that attended the concert. In the days since I have felt so many emotions, as I'm sure others have. 

The next day the police investigation began and it has been very close to home. Literally my home town, the places I go with my family, the schools, the streets, the areas. I heard the first controlled explosion and initially thought it was another attack. The sirens became a constant background noise, the helicopters circling overhead (some of which are media no doubt). All the emergency services doing their very best, working around the clock to keep us safe. I am so grateful, truly, but it's filled me with anxiety. 

Telling the kids was hard. We were honest, explained what had happened, my husband stressed the importance of looking at the helpers. They were sad and I'm still not sure how it's affected them. My youngest had a bad nightmare and maybe that's her processing it.

It wasn't easy to leave them at school, would they be safe with what was going on? With the police around I felt like they were but what a strange and scary scenario. And there was still panic in my head.

I have been numb. It's been a week where I literally haven't done anything beyond what was needed for the children. I have picked up my sewing each day and sewn for a few minutes in silence but I haven't felt like doing it. I have cried quite a lot. I donated money to the justgiving campaign for the families of those killed and injured, if you would like to donate please click here. We attended a vigil at a local church. I have thanked those I personally know who are working hard in the hospitals. I have spoken to my wonderful friends and lovely neighbours.

This is the worst atrocity in Manchester in my lifetime. I was there when the 1996 bomb happened, working in a sports shop. I was 16, it was my Saturday job. I was evacuated, saw the explosion and had mild PTSD. Thankfully there were no fatalities that day. All I know is how much that affected me and I can't begin to imagine how everyone that was there on Monday must be feeling. The repercussions will be felt for a long time.

No one I knew died or was injured, all the people I know of that attended came home safely. I feel like I don't have the right to feel so sad or so lost.

There is a feeling of hopelessness, a sense of longing to be able to help somehow. Anger about what has happened. Such sadness. Fear. Questions about how this can happen. 

So much of what I want to say is political but that's not what this is for. I will just say that radicalised ways of thinking are not representative of Muslims or the Islamic faith and I hope this tragedy doesn't tear communities apart. We should stand together. As we did in the vigil held in the city centre, or the incredible acts of kindness and responses from neighbouring cities and around the world.

I have lived each day waiting for my family to be together. Thankful and grateful we are.

Today I want to try to crawl out of my own darkness. I will never forget this and I need to carry on.


  1. I think we do need to think of the helpers and those who are doing good, or else the terrorists win. We can't live our lives in fear, although we never know where the next attack will take place. Just walking down the street is no longer safe. I hope you're feeling better soon, and continue to do whatever good you can in this world!! Hugs.

  2. Dear Lucy, I feel there is so much to say but on the other hand I'm wordless. I'm so sorry for this terrbile attack. Happy to hear that you and your family are well but sorry for all those who were injured or killed. I hope you can find the happiness again and start to make things you enjoy. I understand that it's not possible to concentrate to anything when our thoughts are in some serious and mostly this serious matters. Worold has changed to much and doesn't feel anymore safety and happy place. Hugs! x Teje

  3. Unfortunately, evil is a very real reality in our world today. Hold your family close. I will be praying not only for those injured or who lost family members but for all the first responders, etc. What would we do without them? Hope you will find some inner peace soon...

  4. I have felt exactly the same all week. Tears come easily and great sadness. I worry also because my son works in the centre of Manchester and he and his family are often in crowded, busy places where I can't see them. Tomorrow my daughter in law is running the 10k and the family will go with her. I wish I could protect them and of course I wish they would stay home safely but that is not going to happen. I have lived through many horrors, including the 1939-45 war, although I was only a baby but we had the Cold War and The Bomb but nothing is as terrifying as this regime of hatred. I am just grateful that there are always many ordinary people ready to help and the spirit of the Blitz is still amongst us.

  5. Oh, my heart goes out to you. What a horrible thing to have happened and I can understand the emotions you are feeling would. be a normal part of the experience. I am so sorry that your peace has been turned into a time of stress and I offer you my prayers. xo connie

  6. I too feel the horror of what happened but all that keeps running through my head is the sentence "perfect love casts out fear." All the victims, their families and the city of Manchester remain in my prayers.

  7. you have written so movingly about this terrible attack. like you i am a Manchester girl but now live in Leeds. My daughter knew so many that attended the concert and knew of some injured and one that lost her life so very sad and I feel so for all those there, also colleagues lost friends too. how those poor children will come to terms with what they saw they certainly will need lots of love and counselling.There is not much I can do to help but I am remembering everyone in my prayers. Take care Lucy

  8. This life is so tough. Sad and sorry...Healing is in the talking so I am so glad you shared...xxoo hugs from North Carolina USA

  9. Thank you for an honest and open post. I am so sorry for all of the victims of the bombing....whether physical injured or emotionally injured...and for those who feel that a culture of hate is the only way to achieve their goals. I hope your family will be okay.

  10. My prayers are with everyone who has been touched by this violence. May God surround you with His love and peace during this trying time and keep you safe.

  11. A very heartfelt post Lucy. Such a sad and worrying time. And so much more difficult when it's on your doorstep and it has targeted families with children and young teens. I so agree that the focus should be on standing together for good. My prayers are for those who have to live with the after effect of this atrocity and that they will eventually find peace and also that this doesn't become an excuse for division.

  12. You do have the right to feel the sense of loss . Growing up in N Ireland I was lucky to never have a relative killed though people I knew were and it is the sense of sadness that the whole community feels . The sense that life is never the same for those involved , the loss of innocence for the children watching it unfold on tv , the vigilance that you feel you have to have . That applies today as much as it did then and it is a dreadful thing . We didn't hear until Monday morning , when my husband told me , like yourselves we cried . We were visiting in the south of England and we just went early to the airport to come home . The sense of loss to everybody is just so great